OPEN LETTER TO MY UNBORN KIDS; LitTLe krAzy and his sister

                                                                                                              Apr. 18, 2016

Dear priNce & priNCesS of the krAzy empire,

Hope you guys are doing fine with 'bros J' & co. on that side. In celebration of this year's ‪#‎WorldkrAzyDay‬ which is only 2days away, I thought to reach out to you as pertaining some important issues.

Firstly, this is not a very good time to cross you over to this side as there's no light in my current location. And the heat? I'm sure God must be preparing a special 'hell fire' for sinners from this side - cos we all are used to heat already and the current hell might not be much of a punishment anymore...(just saying). Anyway, I have a generator (4 gen-sets, actually) to combat this problem, but there's no fuel to power them.

Secondly, I wouldn't want you to get here and grow up taking Pap (Ògì/Akanmu) like I did when I was growing up. There are alternatives oo, but then, they are very expensive right now because of one dullard ...sorry, Dollar.

That said, I know I'm only on this side but my supply is from your end. 'Bros J' has always been responsible for that. As such, the two issues raised above are not the main reasons for the delay in crossing you over.

Actually, I've been ready for a while now (or rather, somehow ready sha) but the MAJOR reason for the delay is that we have been looking for your mother up & down for a long time now. Rumour has it that she's still doing 'chic' and playing hard-2-get.

We have sent out several search parties to look for her without success. I have personally attended countless weddings (& instead of concentrating on my job as the MC of the wedding, I keep checking out the chief bridesmaid and bridal train) all in search of your mum.

I looked through the FACES on FACEbook.
Tweeted at the sisTERs on tweeTER.
Said WHAT'S UP to the babes on WhatsApp.
I followed every ESTHER on INSTA-GRAM to be my maDAM...
...& even decided TO GO to 2go...all to no avail.

Look! If you can influence things from that side, tell 'Bros J' to tell your mum to calm down with this hide-&-seek she's been playing with me ooo. It's in your best interest that you do that... because by the time you get here and your 'mates' are in primary 2 when you're just getting into nursery 1, it will be on record that I tried my best. It's not my fault.

I have to go now. I need to go and continue the search. In fact, one babe just passed now. Make I go check whether na your mama be that.

Don't worry, I'll write you again to give you situation reports.

Yours in the krAzy Kingdom

smiLe;JesusLuvsYou...krAzy®

YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN (Pt 2)

Over the weekend, I got outta town with a group and happened to share my hotel room with a young man who was also part of the trip. After settling in, we got talking about life in general. He’s a driver attached to one of the bosses of a finance house based in Lagos. During the discussion, he eventually disclosed his salary to me & I instantly felt sorry for myself.

"His salary is 4times my salary" …sorry; “his salary is my salary multiplied by 4”. I mean, “my salary is a quarter of his”. If you still don’t get it, what I’m saying is that “my 4-month take home (as the “Superstar OAP”) is what he gets monthly (as a driver)”. Na wa oooo. Me sef sabi drive nau.

…& I have a BSc and some other professional certificate jargons as well.. Not even sure he has any of those. 

Well, my point is, “being a driver / cook / security man (& the likes) is not always as bad as we think".

Let’s simply call this write-up, “You’re Not A Big Man (Pt 2). If you missed Part 1, you can read it here: http://bit.ly/1oWBGPU & kindly watch this space for my next write-up which drops next week. This time around, it’s an open letter (not to the government! Not to any politician! Not to any entertainer! Not even to God! In short, it’s not to anyone alive at the moment!) “then who?”, you might wanna ask. Well, you’d have to wait and see.

God bless you and yours! wink emoticon

By the way, if you find any ‘lucrative’ job opening for a driver, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I CAN DRIVE TOO.
smile emoticon

2016: My year of ‪#‎SmallHustle_PlentyMoney‬!
smiLe;JesusLuvsYou…krAzy