WHEN I BECOME PRESIDENT!

WHEN I BECOME PRESIDENT!

(My true life experience as a youth corper/ adhoc staff of INEC in the 2011 general elections) ...by priNce krAzy

There are sooo many tales to tell about my NYSC INEC experience. I remember the very first day of the elections in 2011 which was cancelled/postponed. We had gotten to our pollen units and had started accreditation. Rumours then filtered in that the elections had been postponed by a week. But we just carried on with our business pending getting official instructions to stop the elections.

Some hoodlums then approached us and asked us to stop and leave the place immediately. We told them calmly that we didn't have any instructions from INEC to stop elections and as such, couldn't leave.

When the boys "change am for me", it was clear that these ones meant business. The entire place was already getting rough and unsettled. Trouble seemed to be inevitable. I Iooked around and the policeman, civil defence, and all other security officials that were attached to us had already disappeared. Then we knew we were on our own...just the three of us (myself and two other female corpers). What made matters worse for me was that I was a Batch A corper. We had barely completed the three weeks camping when we were shipped out for INEC duties. Most of us had not even reported at our Places of Primary Assignment (PPA) when we were sent to no-man's-land. In that village, we knew NO ONE! We knew NO WHERE! Even if we decided to run, we didn't know which direction to go that would have guaranteed safety.

Clutching the ballot box, ballot papers and other election materials beneath our armpits (cos you dare not go back to the collation centre without the items; their items meant more to them than the lives of the corpers they sent on duty) in a completely strange environment, and looking for a safe place to hide, I muttered my final prayers and said to myself, if it ends here, then, I'd have gone down knowing that I was serving my country. I'd have attained legendary status - just like Mandela in South Africa. How we escaped to safety that day is gist for another day.

There's soooooo much to tell, but let's just go back to why we're here.

On the day of the Gubernatorial elections that year (back in 2011), we had arrived early at the INEC collation centre to pick up our election materials after which we were expected to head to our various polling units.

But due to the obvious deficiencies of INEC (that didn't prepare vehicles that will move corpers from the collation centre to the polling units), which is also gist for another day, we were being transported from the collation centre (with election materials in hand) by the chairman of one of the contesting parties (in that local government). The party actually arranged a lot of vehicles for that purpose to make it easier for them to manipulate the elections.

While in Mr. Chairman's car, oga started a conversation with us:

MR. CHAIRMAN: so copper-shun, we will take care of you. Your welfare package is with us. My boys will give it to you when you get to the polling unit. But you see, that village we are going, there are about 400 registered voters there and we must win very well.

krAzy: (interrupting oga chairman and acting like a naive otondo) sir, when we get there, you can just mobilize your boys to go and tell the villagers to come out and vote. We will be there till everybody votes sir.

MR. CHAIRMAN: (speaking sarcastically) c'mon Mr. Corper. Stop talking as if you don't know these things. The people in this village are farmers and fishermen. They have gone to the farm. They won't come out to vote. Look, when we get there, you'll just give us 350 ballot papers out of the 400. Like I said, your welfare package is intact.

krAzy: (looking at my fellow corpers in disbelief and totally short of words) erm...erm...sir...erm...sir...

*** ***

Long story short, we didn't give him 350 ballot papers. But how we manouvered Mr. Chairman that day is also gist for another day.

Need I say more??? If Mrs. Farmer and Mr. Fisherman came out to vote that day, there'll be NO ballot papers available for manipulation.

Wait o! After all this plenty story I've said, you're still contemplating NOT VOTING??! Just continue. Wait till I become president in the year "two thousand and xyz".

WHEN I BECOME PRESIDENT, refusal to vote will attract a jail term, ...+ a very heavy fine, ...+ permanent seizure of all your assets, ...+ NEPA wee cut ya light and fold the wire and take it away and remove the pole and take it away too,... + filling station wee nor sell fuel to you,...+ if you put on candle in your house at night, we wee comman off it, ...+...+ ...+ ...+ ... + pls help me add more punishment.

Enough said, PLS VOTE...or, at least, Go there. Collect your ballot paper. Thumbprint on 2 or more parties threreby rendering it invalid...With that, it can't be used for rigging!

My name is krAzy, I DON YARN!!!